||[Oct. 10th, 2006|07:08 pm]
Wow, birth is amazing! I mean I really hate kids, but Sunday was so surreal. Christina had her baby. His name is Jesus, he weighed in at 8 pounds and 9 ounces. It was so wierd just imagining that that is what can be produced from almost any womans body. Now I'm really excited for Sai to give birth! She's due in December. She wants me right up in the action...I'm a little hesitant for that but we'll see what happens.|
Next weekend is Robert's birthday! He's supposed to have a huge party, so of course I'm looking foward to it. Michael and Octavio are supposed to be there too...I miss hanging out with all those guys. I havn't been drinking lately so hopefully I don't get fucked up too quickly.
Work is okay. Same shit day to day. I'm a little sad because Summer put in her two weeks notice...she's practically the only person I can honestly say I like there. Oh well I'll get over it.
Besides that, I'm destined to graduate in December. I have five more credits that I have to earn and I'll be finished. I'm nervous...probably because I'll be starting something new.
I miss a lot of people lately. I'm pretty much stuck in the past and can't get over the fact that everyone else has moved on. Josh is doing his thing with his bands...probably doesn't know I'm alive, Syl is working hard to graduate (that and she's always with Julio lol), and Cynthia...well I never see her. I've got it made up in my head that she hates me or something. I don't know...I come up with the wierdest ideas sometimes. Then it gets me more depressed because I'm terrible at making friends. I hate talking and it takes me a long time to get comfortable with someone. Sometimes I just feel like a pariah because I'm so shy. Lately I feel lazy...too lazy to do much of anything, even take the time to think (at least at times). I can't tell if it's from being around people who don't really require me to think or the fact that I just don't care anymore. I wish I could just sleep and never wake up sometimes.
Aside from that, I've been debating my relationship with Aulee. I liked him for the longest time but now I don't feel the slightest bit of attraction to him, I only see him as a good friend. I don't know what happened. Then Fabian's mom was talking to my mom telling her how I broke his heart and all he wants to do is call me. She said I should call him, but I don't know what to say. I don't want to make it seem that I only called because I was told to. Truth be told, I've been wanting to call him and try and recover what we lost. But I know I can't because I'm still with Aulee and that's just wrong. That, plus I've heard that he's been talking to other girls and stuff of the sort and it basically discourages me. I seriously need to gain some self-esteem. I do think that I am going to try and get back with him. He's the first guy I loved and I don't think I want to love anyone else.
Lol I'm never going to be able to stop complaining....